Chances are, somewhere along the line, you have encountered a little internal road block known as “Mothers’ Guilt.”

Yes, inevitably, we mothers have guilt in spades.

Do I hold my child too much?  Too little?  Is this the right car seat?  I shouldn’t have done that.  I shouldn’t have said that.  What are the effects—really—of that occasional Happy Meal?  Did I somehow cause these allergies by eating peanut butter while pregnant?  Should I sleep with my baby?  Or not?  Am I enough?  Am I still sexy?  Should I be worried about being sexy?  How selfish of me.  We all know I should be focusing on my child and only my child 24 hours a day.  Yes, even when I sleep.  I should also find a way to add more hours to the day—for real.  Oh, and find a cure for cancer, so that my child never suffers.  And world peace would be good, too.  Gosh, I’m really not anything if I don’t do everything.  In fact, I’m nothing if not perfect.

Whew.  I get tired just thinking about what we, as mothers, put ourselves through.  And nothing I can say will stop you—my friends, my readers, my clients—from dipping into the guilt pool now and then, every day for many.  It’s a mom thing.  Like smelling our child’s hair, kissing ouchies, and sobbing as that first kindergarten bus pulls away; feeling guilty is what we do.

That said, today I want to hone in on a particular topic that leaves many mothers absolutely wallowing (unnecessarily) in guilt.  Bottle feeding.  That’s right, I said it.  The two dirty words that give many birth professionals the dry heaves.  As doulas, we’re supposed to be supportive.  We’re also—according to urban legend—supposed to be earthy and crunchy and poetic and for certain, determined and successful in our crusade to get every baby on the planet to achieve the perfect nursing latch.  Breast is best, breast is best, breast is best.  The mantra, the chant; the judgmental, the guilt-inducing.

Truth be told, breast is best.  We all know that.  Formula companies know that.  Doctors know that.  Midwives, doulas, husbands, neighbors, talk show hosts, dogs, cats…everyone knows.  And will be happy to tell you so.

Breast milk is tailor made for your particular child’s needs.  It promotes love and connection and health and happiness.  I love breastfeeding.  Did it myself for a total of five years.  It is my job to know everything about breastfeeding–how to troubleshoot, how to encourage.  My eyes and ears and hands have gotten many women through thrush, mastitis, nursing strikes, biting, exhaustion, fear, and frustration.  I.  Support.  Breastfeeding.  I’m a doula.  Of course I do.

But…

I also support bottle feeding.

They say that every woman can breastfeed.  This is mostly true, but not really.  I have indeed seen cases of milk not coming in–and yes, those women tried everything.

Some women can’t.  Some babies can’t.  Or rather, they have such difficulty doing it, the breastfeeding relationship becomes a burden rather than a blessing; thus disrupting the bond between mother and child rather than supporting it.  And these are often women with a loving partner, a natural home birth, doulas, and top-notch lactation consultants.  It isn’t always attitude or lack of support as some lactivists would have you believe; it’s just reality.

For some, breastfeeding is so much easier, lovelier, and cheaper than mixing formula…they can’t imagine a better option.  For some, bottles seem preferable, as they allow for rest and freedom—two things that can be invaluable in the first year of parenthood.

Here’s the thing…everyone involved in a mother’s life should foster an environment that encourages breastfeeding success.  That would include peace, quiet, cheerleading, and a list of skilled professionals to call in a pickle.  It does not include, however, expressing disappointment in a mother when things don’t go as planned.  It does not include pushing a mother–either subtly or aggressively–into something that makes her uncomfortable.

I am just sick with how formula feeding families feel about their choice.  They literally feel as if they are poisoning their children (to be clear…formula is NOT poision).  They feel like failures.  They feel selfish.  They feel worried and doubtful and yes…guilty.

On the flip-side, a mother who breastfeeds into the second year starts doing so “on the sly,” because she feels like a freak.  Oh, baby!  Are we ever hard on our mothers!

Mamas, you and only you know what is best for your child.  You make many difficult decisions.  To vaccinate or not.  To circumcise or not.  To go back to work or stay home.  T-ball or soccer.  Karate or ballet.  Public or private.  Not one person—not even little old me, the so-called baby expert—knows your son or daughter as you do.  You are the expert.  You are wonderful and kind and good and you do have your child’s best interests at heart.  Don’t ever doubt that, and don’t you dare let anyone else tell you otherwise.  So, you’re not breastfeeding.  So, you can’t bear to wean quite yet.  So, you do a little of both.  So what?  You’re doing a great job!

Friends and family of mothers…when it comes to feeding:  butt out!  Whether she stocked her shelves with Enfamil the second she found out she was pregnant or whether she’s nursing a toddler, it really isn’t your business.  Mama knows best.  The best thing that anyone can do for a baby is support and encourage the mother.  Trust me, it’s what I do every day.

With much love and acceptance of exactly who you are,

Doula Jen

This is way easier than you might think.  Many parents make purees on Sunday night and freeze them in ice cube trays for the week ahead.  Here are 5 simple recipes to get you started:

1.  Classic Sweet Potato

Preheat oven to 375º…Thoroughly scrub one large sweet potato…Prick potato 3-4 times with fork…Bake for 45 minutes, or until soft…split and scoop out…mash thoroughly…breast milk can be added for moisture to start…melted farm butter or your favorite healthy oil (flax, oil, coconut) can be added for older babies.

2. No Fuss Avocado Banana Pudding

Mash one large banana and one large avocado together…stir to remove lumps…this rich and creamy treat is a great follow-up and supplement to a breast milk diet and will follow baby’s natural preference.

3. Poached Pear and Blueberry Puree

Lightly simmer one large peeled pear (quartered) and 1/2 cup of fresh, ripe blueberries in shallow water…once pear is soft to fork, remove all fruit from pain…drain…puree.

4. Baby’s First Beans

Perfect for babies who like to finger their food…buy one bag (or about 16 oz. in bulk) black beans…put them in a colander and rinse…remove any broken, shriveled, or skin-compromised beans…place in a slow cooker…cover with water and then add two inches more…soak, with no heat, for 6 hours…if you live in an extremely hot or humid area, soak them in the fridge…rinse in the colander again…cover with water and add 2-3 inches more…cook on low for 8 hours…beans should be so soft that you don’t need to puree, but you certainly can if you and baby prefer a spoon fed meal.

5. Spicy (or not) Apple Squash Mash-Up

Preheat oven to 350º…cut one butternut squash lengthwise…remove seeds and fibers and brush both sides with olive oil…bake for 30-40 minutes until tender…simmer 3-4 peeled and quartered apples in about an inch of water for 10 minutes…puree together…can season with cinnamon, nutmeg, and cloves…or not!

Vicki Lansky’s first best selling book, Feed Me I’m Yours, is still one of the most popular baby and toddler food books in the country.  She is a pioneer in the field of parental advice literature and has appeared on

Jen:  What book or project are you best known for?

Vicki Lansky:  My first book FEED ME I’M YOURS seems to remain the one most folks know me by.  It was published in 1974 and has sold over 3 million copies.  It got me on Phil Donahue show and many others in the ’70s. And each book let to the next.

Jen:  We’re so excited that you’ll be participating in our Growing Green Babies festival in conjunction with the Great Cloth Diaper Change.  What prompted you to get involved?  Is green parenting important to you?

VL:  Writing about baking soda and vinegar raised my conscientiousness so I have very few chemicals in my home.

Jen:  Do you think that parents are more environmentally conscious today than they were 20 years ago?  If so…how?

VL:  I remember a surge of interest in cloth diapers 25 yrs ago but that seemed to have faded.  But it has come back.  As well as a whole surge of new environmentally friendly products which I read about but don’t use as I’m no longer in the market, because my granddaughters live in Sweden.

Jen:  One way to “go green” for baby is to use non-toxic, homemade cleaning supplies.  You’ve written two bestsellers dedicated to vinegar and baking soda alone!  Both, as you know, are great for cleaning projects around the house.  Is there another common pantry item you like to use for cleaning?

VL:  I use very few products beyond baking soda and vinegar.  I don’t even bother mixing it tog ether. We also use a castile soap we find at the food coop.  I usual occasional wipes.  But mainly water and elbow grease.

Jen:  What’s the next project on your horizon?

VL:  We’ve been turning our back list titles into eBooks and updating some in the process.  Yet there still stills to always be something to do, even as I downsize by business.  I don’t really have new books in the pipe line as I am working toward a more retired lifestyle.  I remarried 4 yrs ago and that has changed my use of time.

Doula Jen likes to add a little Tea Tree Oil to her own vinegar and baking soda solutions.  Tea Tree Oil smells wonderful and has antibacterial, antiviral, anti-fungal, and antiseptic properties.  But be careful!  It’s strong and might irritate the skin if not properly diluted.  A little bit goes a long way.  Lavender is another essential oil that works wonders around the house.

Making your own home and beauty products is a great way to go green for baby!  Not your thing?  Check out Seventh Generation, Moss Envy, Method, Ecover, and Mrs. Meyers for store-bought products that are environmentally friendly and non-toxic.

Visit Vicki Lanksy at www.practicalparenting.com.  Or like her on Facebook!

In honor of Earth Day and leading up to our Growing Green Babies festival on April 21st, the Welcome Baby Care blog is devoting this month to the exploration of all things natural and enviro-friendly.  One practice increasing in popularity within the “green” community is participation in Community Supported Agriculture (or CSA). 

A CSA membership usually goes as follows:  an individual, family, or group buys a share in a particular farm.  In exchange, they recieve–typically–one large box of seasonal vegetables per week.  Other perks crop up from time to time as well and may include invites to farm events and members-only U-Pick-Ems; perhaps first dibs on specialty products such as eggs, honey, and meat from neighboring farms.

Farmers benefit from a CSA program because it allows most of their marketing, not to mention a significant portion of their yearly cash flow, to take place before the long, laborious days of summer begin.  There is a comfort in a team of members, or share holders–who help shoulder both the benefit and the risk of part farm ownership.  A good CSA farmer will take this responsibility very seriously.  They don’t want to let their members down.

Clearly, signing up consumers before the harvest begins is a desirable situation for the farms, but what’s in it for the CSA member?

The main reason consumers choose a CSA is–what else–the produce.  Not just produce, mind you, but the freshest available–picked that morning, on the table by dinner.  Studies show that vitamin levels go down significantly in the days and weeks after fruits and veggies are picked.  In fact, frozen vegetables are more vitamin rich than that pepper that’s been kicking around the market for 10 days.  Eating fresh, local produce maximizes the health potential of a meal.

With CSA boxes, you get more bang for your buck, saving money on produce in the long run.

Families also enjoy having a relationship with a farm, and furthermore, a connection to where exactly food comes from.  It is both an educational opportunity and a community experience, one that parents enjoy sharing with their children.

Many CSA farms either require or invite members to help in the field, which is extremely satisfying for Earth-conscious individuals living in a fast paced world.

CSA members eat according to the seasons, putting them in touch with nature in a very specific way.  Eating seasonably follows a certain appealing bio-rhythm.  People find that their bodies respond in a favorable way to eating according to nature’s plan.

Speaking of the Earth-conscious, is this whole CSA thing actually better for the environment?  It certainly is.  Many small farms use fewer chemicals that the big business crops.  Many are organic.  Beyond that, local food consumption eliminates the pollution generated by shipping items long distance.  On that note, veggies who take long rides on highways and in the underbellies of jet planes soak up that pollution too, which once again makes local produce a healthier choice.

Now, there are some downsides to CSA involvement.  As mentioned before, the shared risk goes hand in hand with the shared benefit.  If a storm takes out the asparagus, you will not get any.  That said, when certain crops fail, others are sure to flourish.

CSAs are not for everyone.  You must love vegetables….really love vegetables.  And you should love to cook.  You’ll need to cook pretty much every day to keep up with the abundance.  A CSA member should also be adventurous.  Sometimes you will get a vegetable and literally be clueless as to what it is.  It may even look like it comes from outer space.  You might find yourself enlisting your friends and extended family members–a team of Google research experts, if you will–in an attempt to find out what the heck you’re serving for dinner that night.  On the flip side, old standards might come in droves.  If tomatoes are doing well, expect to see a lot of them.  Sound overwhelming?  Well, you’ll need to find a good recipe for pasta sauce, plus one for salsa…then learn how to can.  Not your thing?  Stick with the Sunday Farmer’s Market…which is still a good bet.

If it does sound like a CSA might be right for you, you’ll want to do some research.  It takes a special skill set to be a great CSA farmer.  It is usually best to pick one with at least ten years of experience, unless you are particularly passionate about helping a new farm grow.  That, of course, would be a wonderful way to support your community, but you must go into a partnership with a new organization with an open heart and a great deal of patience, expecting the first few years to be somewhat rocky.

Times have changed.  Cloth diapers are not only once again in practice, they are actually trendy!

With all-in-ones from companies such as FuzziBunz and bumGenuis—not to mention our friends and fellow Minnesotans over at the amazing SoftBums—who make sincerely cute and simple products, cloth diapering is a modern and accessible option.  No more pins.  No more dingy, raggedy, leaking, sagging loincloths.

Oh yes—times have changed.

In addition to better diapers, there are now helpful products such as sprayers (which attach right to the toilet), flushable liners, waterproof diaper bags, and eco-friendly pail deodorizers.  Almost makes diapering sound like fun…

So why?  Why does this matter?  Why should you consider this?  Well, for one, disposable diapers are the third most common product in landfills today.  A disposable diaper may take up to 500 years to decompose, and because of their heavy absorbancy, they actually grow.  The disposable that you toss will very quickly double in size.  Ever see a toddler hit the splash pool with a regular disposable?  Ever throw one in the wash accidentally?  Then, you get the idea.

One child using disposable diapers exclusively will generate a TON–literally–of landfill waste before the age of two.

Disposable diapers are literally taking over our planet.  And, packed with chemicals and plastic, they’re not always as kind to baby’s tender bum as the cotton alternative.

Now, this preachy little post isn’t meant to shame you into a choice that you’re not comfortable with.  Every family needs to do what works.  Being a parent is hard enough…

But that’s the thing…

With convenient, fun, affordable products (yes, over the course of baby’s diapering career…you will SAVE money), cloth diapering is no longer hard.

Worried about laundry?  There are cleaning services that cost just a hair more than your own home laundry set up.

Worried about life on the go?  Cloth diapering in public is easy, once you learn the ropes.  If you’re still nervous, you can always do a combo of cloth and disposable.

Don’t know where to start?  Try Google!  There are THOUSANDS of cloth diaper forums, blogs, FAQ sheets, stores, trades, fan clubs…you name it.  Sound overwhelming?  Here are four wonderful sites to get you started:

www.diaperpin.com

www.cottonbabies.com

www.theclothdiaperwhisperer.com

www.cheekytocheeky.com

Beyond the web, your local, homegrown, funky, friendly baby store is sure to know a thing or two.  Or, you can call a friend (or a friend of a friend) who uses cloth!  People who go cloth often become fanatics–they love their choice and want to share the info.    

It’s never too late to start!

Please join us for The Great Cloth Diaper Change at our Growing Green Babies festival.  This is a Guinness World Record Event happening simultaneously in locations around the world.  Cloth diapers will be provided for those who do not have their own.  We will also feature a cloth diaper class for those who are just a little bit curious.  Other events and activities round out this Earth Day focused event.  Check out http://www.eventbrite.com/event/3137066049 for more info. 

Suddenly, with your little one’s Earth in what seems like tremendous jeopardy, recycling seems important.  Really important.

On April 21st, Welcome Baby Care will be hosting a fun and educational family festival called Growing Green Babies.  Just in time for Earth Day, our plan is to celebrate environmentally concerned family decision making and parenting choices that tend toward natural.

But wait, what does this mean?  Growing Green Babies?  Is it teaching tiny tots about recycling?  Is it putting my hemp-covered car seat in the back of an electric car? 

Well, sort of.  Those would certainly count as environmentally conscious activities, however, going green for baby need not be so…difficult.  Natural and eco-friendly living includes a wide variety of choices, which are often easier (and more affordable) than the so-called convenient alternative.  Cloth diapering.  Home-made cleaning products.  Non-toxic laundry detergent.  Gentle naturally derived baby, bath, and beauty products.  Air purification.  Water filtration systems (over plastic bottles).  Breastfeeding.  Baby-wearing.  Participating in a Community Supported Agriculture system (CSA).  Organic gardening at home as a family bonding activity.  Old fashioned wooden toys.  Green, chem-free clothing.  Or better yet, hand me downs.

The world of green parenting is wide and welcoming.

Perhaps this all seems like another thing to feel guilty about, another thing you’re not good enough at.  Perhaps it seems overwhelming.  Rest assured, when it comes to going green, you don’t have to be perfect.  You don’t have to stretch your budget uncomfortably.  You don’t have to brag about your choices or feel ashamed in areas where you might fall short.  Every little bit counts.  If recycling is all that really interests you–great!  Recycling alone does so much.

Our planet.  Your babies.  Their future.

This month on the blog we’ll be delving into some of these natural family niches–looking at enivironmentally friendly companies, sharing recipes for baby food (out of the jar), and discussing dirt-cheap cleaning products made from things already in your pantry.  All leading up to our big festival, which will include participation in The Great Cloth Diaper Change, a world record breaking event.  Can’t wait!

If there’s one thing I want you to do in the first few weeks after baby’s birth, it’s this:  sleep! 

Believe me, I realize, sleep is hard to come by in the 4th trimester.  Your baby sleeps a lot, but between feedings and burpings and laundry and meals, you can’t seem to get more than an hour at a stretch.  Then you get anxious about your lack of sleep, the impending feeding, and the dishes in the sink.  Although you’re tired, you find yourself lying in bed, wide awake, waiting for the proverbial other shoe–in this case, your baby’s cry. 

Here is my recommendation:  make your pajamas and bathrobe a uniform of sorts.  Motherhood is your job.  The job requirements include comfort, a peaceful mind, and a rested body.  Your milk supply, physical strength, and patience depend on at least eight hours of sleep.  Why not stay in your night clothes until you get your eight?  You might be in PJs until noon.  So be it.  Your uniform, your job, your “new normal” all dictate this. 

Once you’ve gotten your eight, take a nice shower and get dressed (simply in fresh PJs if it suits you).  Brush your hair, brush your teeth and “start” your day.  Rested.

Another benefit to my PJ Plan?  Visitors will get the message:  leave the casserole and go!  While we do love our friends and family members, even a short visit can seem exhausting in the postpartum period.  The people in your life should respect your right to recovery, and will be more inclined to do so if you are dressed for it. 

Does your new baby have an older sibling?  Enlist some morning help for your toddler so that you may stay in bed as long as you need to.  Eight hours of sleep.  It won’t be uninterrupted, but it will be worth the effort. 

Sweet dreams! 

Love,

Doula Karen

Michelle literally could not pick her head up from the kitchen counter.  She did not have the energy to care for her daughter, for herself, or for her relationship with her husband.  She did not have enough energy to hang on to one clear thought. 

Michelle wanted to care for her child.  With everything, she wanted it.  She was just so depleted–physically, emotionally, mentally, hormonally.  She felt pain and fatigue, to her core, at even the thought of lifting her beautiful baby for a few short minutes. 

Michelle was disturbed by the broken mother-daughter bond–which was there immediately after birth, but slipped away two weeks later when she became dangerously exhausted. 

Whenever Michelle went to kiss her child, she did so with tightly clenched lips–and she knew it.  She often said things like, “I wish I could be a better mother to you.”

About a week before I met Michelle, her psychiatrist suggested that she not be left alone.  This was an overly protective measure that confused, frightened, and embarrassed the new mother.  It further cemented her belief that she was failing miserably.

My first visit with Michelle was a marathon twelve hour shift–a long, hard day in which I was able to force baby steps towards recovery and invite little glimpses of sunshine back into her family’s life. 

First, I went through my basics–a nap for mom, a tall glass of water, an opportunity for mild emotional expression. 

Nutrition is crucial in the postpartum period, especially for those suffering from mood disorders.  Michelle had lost her appetite and in particular, her taste for anything with strong flavor.  She felt frustrated when friends and family would ask her what she wanted to eat.  Although she knew they were trying to help, she didn’t have the will to produce even a simple answer. 

Traditionally, Michelle was a healthy eater, so I asked her if she would like me to go to the local co-op to pick up some basic supplies.  She seemed very grateful not come up with a list of specifics. 

I tucked Michelle and her baby in for a nap and told her that I trusted her to be alone with her child.  This came as a relief to Michelle and she brightened a bit to have at least some of the stigma lifted.  I called Michelle’s mother to make sure this was indeed a sound decision and we both agreed that it was fine during a nap, just for a quick trip to the market.  Michelle was ready for that level of responsibility.

I selected nutritious, high-energy foods that were not heavily spiced or flavored.  Honey Greek Yogurt, smoothie supplies, almonds, beans, easy heat and serve organic soups, avocado.  Michelle was thrilled.  Finally:  the food she wanted but couldn’t ask for.  That it was just there, ready to eat, when she felt up to it, brought back a small appetite.  Of course, the calories gave her a spurt of energy and she spontaneously asked me if we could take a walk!

While preparing for the walk, I asked Michelle if she would like to wear the baby in my Moby wrap.  She said that she still didn’t feel ready, but would greatly appreciate me wearing the baby.  This ended up being a wonderful solution.  Baby got some semi-skin-on-skin/heartbeat time, while hearing her mother’s voice.  Michelle got to look upon her child and talk to her, without the physical and emotional burden she usually felt as a result of her severe depression.  The fresh air and movement also helped, and Michelle asked me, “Why don’t I take walks every day?  This feels so good.”  I told her that a daily walk sounded like a great idea.  I later wrote her a reminder note.  In the postpartum haze, new mothers need actual reminders about what works and what doesn’t.  They have tunnel vision and new worry, sleep deprivation and a whole heap of physical and hormonal changes.  They literally need reminders to eat, sleep, and shower; some women even need a reminder to cry. 

When we reached the end of the street, Michelle eyes began to tear up slightly.  This was actually a good thing, as her depression had deadened her.  Throughout this first day with her, she expressed frustration that she couldn’t cry.  I took a risk and pushed Michelle a step further.  I asked her to say out loud, “I hate this.”  She was hesitant.  With another nudge, I got Michelle to say, outloud, “I love my baby, but I hate this.”  I smiled at her and touched her arm.  I told her that those feelings were normal and natural and needed to come out.  She had a short, meaningful cry and a laugh or two after.  Her face seemed softer and less tense. 

Sometimes, the shame of having dark, resentful, hateful feelings worsens the postpartum disorder.  The tendency is to put on a mask and pretend, which only further exaggerates the disconnect and anxiety. 

Although many simple steps helped Michelle get a bit better that week–including psychiatric therapy–saying the phrase “I hate this” was a huge turning point.  I have often, since meeting her, told my clients that it is OK to love the baby but hate the exhaustion, the uncertainty, the hormones, the recovery, the isolation, and the work.

Doula Jen here, continuing yesterday’s discussion on feeding with a few words about starting solids. 

First off, I want to encourage parents to relax and enjoy exploring new foods with sweet baby.  This is a gradual, messy process.  Your child will eventually eat.  There is no need to rush it.  In fact, many experts now recommend nothing but breastmilk or formula for the first six months.  The liquid diet will continue to be the main source of nutrition throughout the first year.  Everything else is practice and exploration.  Are you hearing me?  Practice and exploration. 

For ages, we’ve been pushing rice cereal at 4 months, sometimes added right into the bottle of breastmilk or formula.  We’re even tantalized by the hopeful suggestion that, “It might make them sleep longer!” 

Here’s the thing:  4 months is young to be insisting on solids.  Honestly, an infant’s digestive system is probably not ready to handle much bulk, or any amount beyond the stray playful taste en route to full discovery.  And rice cereal?  It’s fine.  It won’t hurt your baby.  It’s one of the easier grains to digest.  I don’t have a big problem with baby cereal, however, I do get annoyed with the implication that it is where you MUST begin. 

Avacado, mashed banana, pureed sweet potato, cooked carrots, peaches, applesauce, and squash are all valid first foods–nature made, never processed, and perfect for gumming and/or smearing around the high chair tray with a messy thumb, a squeal, and a smile.  And if cereal “just makes sense” for you and your family, feel free to think beyond rice.  Oats and barley are also infant friendly.

Another little piece of information that might inspire you:  breastfed babies tend to take kindly to bananas and sweet potato.  Formula fed babies will feel more comfortable with the cereal, the squash, and the avocado.  Why?  Breastmilk is naturally sweet.  Formula is typically more bland.  An infant will probably respond more favorably to, “what they know.” 

As parents, we are always bombarded with time-lines and age-appropriate recommendations.  You should potty train at 2 and a half years.  Most babies crawl at 7 months and walk at 12.  All hogwash.  The spectrum is vast.  Babies are individuals.  They will get there when they’re ready.  Same goes for feeding.

If you’re wondering if your child is ready to start experimenting with solid food, just watch them.  Does he watch you, mesmerized as you bring spoon to lips?  Does he open and close his mouth as Dad snacks on a slice of pizza?  Is he grabbing for big sister’s stack of Cheerios?  It may be time to explore.  Follow your child’s cues.  He will tell you! 

A baby boy I know had their first bite of food at a Mexican restaurant—refried beans.   He dipped his finger in while sitting in Mama’s lap.  Spontaneous, explorative.  Not something fussed over or pureed and frozen into little cubes.  Real life.  As it should be. 

And, by the way, said mother didn’t get neurotic about the beans or wonder what kind of oil they were cooked in.  She didn’t worry about the congealed layer of cheese undoubtedly mixed with her son’s first taste.  She did, however, feel a little pang, as she turned to me and said, “Awwww.  It’s not just my milk anymore.” 

Oh, yes.  Always with the bittersweetness of watching them grow up!   First foods don’t have to be a big deal or a big source of stress, but give yourself a little TLC, because the first bite of food is by definition the official start of weaning—either from the bottle or the breast.  And that is a big transition. 

Bon appetit, Bébé!

With love from your doula…

Recently, Jen Wittes sat down with Dr. Rowell for a quick chat about her work, her book, and her advice to parents. 

JW:  What exactly is “The Feeding Doctor”?  What do you do?

KR:  I’m a family doctor by training, and for the last three years I have stepped out of the clinic and into families’ homes, either via house call or by phone, to help parents who are struggling with feeding.  My business was called, “Family Feeding Dynamics” but parents kept coming up to me and saying, “You’re the Feeding Doctor, right?”  So, I embraced it!  I love helping families find hope by turning around feeding problems, from picky eating to food preoccupation.  I also help with so-called overweight and underweight issues, which often means simply offering perspective about a label that has been placed on a child.  Families often feel relieved to not fight and fret over food anymore. One mom said, “I am grateful I get to be a mom again, not a food cop.” 

JW:  What sparked your passion for feeding issues?

KR:  Having my own daughter and quickly realizing that though I knew WHAT to feed her basically, I had no idea HOW.  As a family doctor, I had treated both eating disorders, and the consequences of adults who struggled with eating in other ways, from diabetes to heart disease.  I had to examine the research, and what I learned was so compelling and life-changing for our family, that I felt that I had to pursue it full time.  If I can help children grow up to feel good about food and their bodies, it’s the best preventive medicine I can think of!

JW:  I know you recommend child led weaning.  Can you give a brief explanation of what that entails, and perhaps some direction as to where readers can research the concept further? 

KR:  Actually, I recommend families find what is comfortable for them!  Baby Led Weaning has become very popular recently and is often touted as the answer to weight problems and picky eating.  I think the benefits come from following the child’s lead.  Some babies will thrive just feeding themselves and skipping spoon-feeding, and others want and need to be spoon-fed, many will do best with a combination.  The key is either way, feeding your baby foods that are developmentally appropriate, and following her cues: letting her grab the spoon and feed herself, or letting her scrape food into her mouth with her palms, paying attention to how it all feels.  If you feel stressed, anxious, like you have to try to get your child to do something, you could probably use some support.  This transition period is super important.  If parents get stuck here, it can be hard to turn things around.  There are some great resources to help families with this transition. My favorite is Ellyn Satter’s DVD Feeding With Love and Good Sense, or her book, Child of Mine.  I’d love to see both in every baby-shower gift list!

 JW:  If you could share one golden piece of advice with parents when it comes to kids and food, what would it be?

KR:  Don’t worry so much, and trust yourself and your child.  Follow your child’s cues.  Do your jobs with feeding your little one, and let her do hers–that is, letting her decide how much to eat from what you provide.   Sorry, I couldn’t just do ONE piece of advice!
 

JW:   What’s next on your horizon? 

Right now, I’m working on my book, which will come out this fall.  It’s tentatively titled Love Me, Feed Me: An Adoptive Parent’s Guide to Ending the Worry About Weight, Picky Eating, Power Struggles and More… and am heading in April to NYC for the annual Child Welfare Symposium.  I want to get the word out about a healthy feeding relationship any way I can!

Visit Katja Rowell at thefeedingdoctor.com for more info on Baby Led Weaning, establishing a healthy body image, and ending table wars!  You can also follow her on Facebook and Twitter.