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A Note From Your Doula: Fear

By Doula Jen

Hey there Mamas,

It’s Halloween. We’ll be dressing our littles as witches, ghosts, pumpkins, Pokemon, super heroes, and bears. We’ll be embracing sweet and maybe lightly toying with spooky.

As we face the fake fuzzy spiders, dry-ice generated coffins, and panic over our children’s sugar intake, I just want to take a moment to look at Mama Fear. That real, actual worry and terror and anxiety that mothers face…every day.

Will my child get the flu? Will there be a bully on the bus? What would happen if I got breast cancer? How would they feel? Who would comfort them? Am I choosing the right preschool? The right foods? The right vaccine schedule? Why won’t those fools on the road stop driving drunk and realize that it’s not all about them? My kids are on the road. My kids are in this world. What about the planet? What about the environment? What kind of world will my children live in? Will there be a world to live in? What will I make for dinner? How can I possibly go back to work just six weeks after her birth? How will I find my way back to work after being out of the game for six years? What will 40 feel like? And 50? Does he prefer those Victoria’s Secret teenagers to my C-section scar, my much-used breasts? Will  we ever stop fighting? Will we ever see Paris? Will I live long enough to hold my grandchildren? Will my children grow up to remember me kindly? Or will they remember me for the way I shout when they just. won’t. listen? 

We are in it, Mamas. Thick and wild and messy, with our neon hearts perpetually on the verge of breaking. We hurt so much as the grow, as they risk, as they challenge us to say the right thing and be exactly what they need.

We are in it. We are in it so deep we can hardly watch the news at night, for fear that we’ll hear about a missing kid or a fire or a struggle with juvenile cancer.

But here’s what. I am with you, Mamas, in your homes, as you welcome your beautiful babies into this big, crazy world. I am with you and I marvel at what you have created—people, pumpkin bread, your career, your relationship, the memories. Oh, you are the heart and hearth by far—I know it’s a cliche but it’s true.

I am with you, Mamas, as you face your fears like absolute bears. You are fearless, to me, in your unwavering resolve to rise with the sun each and every day—usually exhausted—and face the unknown.

With Much Love From Your Doula,


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